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"Stalin taught people to stop eating"

 

 
In Stalinist Moscow a man is running along the street shouting: `The whole world is suffering because of one man! One man!'
He is seized and dispatched to the KGB.
There, he is taken to the interrogator's room.
`What were you shouting in the streets?' asks the interrogator.
`I was shouting that the whole world suffers because of one man.'
`And who did you have in mind?' The interrogator's eyes narrow.
`What do you mean, who?' The man is astonished. `Hitler, naturally.'
`Ah-h-h ...'smiles the interrogator. `In that case you are free to leave.'
The man walks the length of the room, reaches the door, opens it and suddenly stops and turns around to face the interrogator.
`Excuse me, but who did you have in mind?'
 

An American boasts,
- Our president Hoover stopped people from drinking!
- That's a cheap trick, - says a Russian, - Our leader Stalin stopped people from eating!

 
The year is 1937. There are mass arrests in the Soviet Union. People live in fear, every night expecting to be carted away .. .
One night there is a loud knock at the door of a certain house. The tenants cower in silence, afraid to answer it. The knocking continues, getting louder and louder. The tenants go on pretending to be asleep. Finally someone begins to break the door down. At this, one tenant thinks to himself: `I'm an old man, I've got to die soon anyway. What am I afraid of? I'll open up to them.' He gets out of bed and goes to the door. A minute later he rushes back shouting for joy. `Comrades, comrades, get up! It's only a fire ...'
 

 
"Did you hear the one about the sheep who tried to leave the USSR? They were stopped at the border by a guard."
"Why do you wish to leave Russia?" the guard asked.
"It's the secret police," replied the sheep. "Stalin has ordered them to arrest all the elephants."
"But you aren't elephants."
"Try telling that to the secret police."
 

 
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