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"Stalin taught people to stop eating"

 
Cталин, шарж Бухарина, 1920-ые
 
Stalin decided to test Party members' loyalty. He summoned a Russian, a Ukrainian and a Jew and ordered them to jump from a tenth floor window.
The Russian went to the window, looked down and begged:
`Comrade Stalin, have mercy, I have a family, children ...'
Stalin flew into a rage: `Arrest him!' he ordered.
 
The Ukrainian walked up to the window, looked down and fell on his knees: `Have mercy, Comrade Stalin, I'm the only breadwinner in the family ...'
`Arrest him!' ordered Stalin.
 
The Jew took off his jacket, took off his trousers, took off his watch and handed them all to Stalin. Then he said: `Please, give these to my wife ...' and jumped out of the window.
 
But Stalin had only been joking and there were nets below so the Jew was not smashed to smithereens. In fact, he was brought back to Stalin.
`Good fellow, Comrade Rabinovich,' said Stalin. `You have proved yourself a devoted Party member and for that you will receive a medal and I shall see that you get a better job. But, let me ask you, what gave you the courage? After all life, no matter what, is very dear to us.'
 
Rabinovich was touched.
`I'll tell you frankly, Comrade Stalin. Even death is better than this kind of a life.
 

 
A group of Georgians was meeting with Stalin. When it was over, Stalin could not find his pipe. Thinking it had been stolen, he called Beria to interrogate the Georgians.
 
The next day, Stalin found his pipe and he called Beria to stop the interrogations. Beria said it was too late since half had confessed to stealing the pipe and the other half died under interrogation.
 

 
Stalin calls his KGB henchman Beria and says: "Comrade Beria, I am missing my favorite smoking pipe, I am afraid somebody took it. Please find it." Half an hour later Stalin calls Beria again and says, " Not to worry Comrade Beria, I have found the pipe, I misplaced it in my cabinet." Beria responds, " Are you sure Comrade Stalin? Because I already have 5 people in my office who have confessed to stealing it."
 

 
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