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"Stalin taught people to stop eating"

Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin went to inspect a collective farm. They had to cross over a bridge. But there was a cow standing on it.
Churchill got out of the car and advanced on the cow, intending to drive it away.
`Moo-o-oo . ..' went the cow and lowered her horns at Churchill. Churchill backed off.
Up came Roosevelt.
`Moo-o-oo ...' went the cow and lowered her horns at him too. Roosevelt backed off.
Up came Stalin and whispered something to the cow. The cow raised its tail in fright and took off.
`What did you say to her, Joseph?' asked Churchill and Roosevelt.
`I told her that if she didn't get out of the way I would put her in a collective farm.'

During the war Lieutenant Ivanov stood on guard by Stalin's study door and as he walked by Stalin would enjoy having a joke with him.
'What, Comrade Ivanov, you haven't been shot yet?'
'No, Comrade Stalin,' Ivanov would reply white-faced and standing stiffly to attention.
Time passed. Ivanov had become a major but as before he stood guard outside Stalin's study and as before Comrade Stalin passing by would have a little joke with him. `What, Comrade Ivanov, you haven't been shot yet?'
'No, Comrade Stalin,' replied Major Ivanov.
The war ended. It was Victory Day. Comrade Stalin was making a triumphal speech in the Kremlin.
`Our nation has conquered because our nation never despairs, it loves a good joke ...'
Stalin paused for a moment. He was looking for someone in the auditorium.
`Isn't that right Comrade Ivanov?' he continued turning to a general sitting not far away.
Up jumped General Ivanov, white-faced. `Absolutely right, Comrade Stalin.'

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